There’s a difference between running away and healing. There’s a difference between slapping a band-aid on something and finding a remedy. And I’m pretty sure I’m finding the remedy here.
I moved to Toronto only this past Sunday – so I’m not prepared to share with you my preferred events or the best almond milk latte or the top vegetarian restaurant (don’t worry, that’ll come). And I haven’t even started my new job yet!
All I can report to you this many days in is that each day I’m waking up with a lighter heart and less weight on my shoulders. Everything feels sunnier. I feel so predictable for whipping out the mountain metaphor, but I feel like it took me so so long to climb it and now I’m approaching the top. I have no idea what’s at its peak or what’ll happen when I’m standing at the summit but right now, the sense of relief for making it this far is extraordinary. And peculiar. But refreshing.
I didn’t move because of pain. I didn’t move because of a heavy heart. At least not exclusively. I moved because of a desire to discover and fuel creativity and feel what I haven’t felt in a long time: a lust for adventure. Those are the main reasons. The pain and the heavy heart just helped in making the decision easier. They nudged me.
Now I don’t have to live in the same city where those feelings were stirring. I tried with every ounce of my being to face them head on, but it just wasn’t working. So on one shoulder stood past relationships and all the anguish that went with those and having to feel those feelings every day (Winnipeg is a small city) and on the other shoulder stood an amazing career opportunity and a clean slate and all the music a music lover could consume and the coffee. And the wine. And the food!
So I listened to the angel on my shoulder that said, If you choose this route, you aren’t running away, you’re just fixing whatever it is in yourself that is so easily damaged by the past. You’re healing that wound that was stifling your creativity. What is bigger and better than those wounds? The future.
I walked down King St. West last night with Josh Ritter in my ears. It was amazing.
I am assured yes I am assured yes
I am assured that peace will come to me
A peace that can yes surpass the speed yes
Of my understanding and my need
Under the mask of ‘running away’ is a desire to get to the root of the issue. Just in a different, exciting, intoxicating environment.
PS – Is there anything that can make the transition more seamless than finding a Toronto bar that shows all the Jets games and is jam packed full of Winnipeg expats? I think not.