You’ll have to excuse the break in between posts, but I have recently turned my life upside down.
My very first blog post was about my insufferable enchantment with nostalgia. I talked about how change feels so traumatizing and how there is comfort in tradition, in routine, in maintenance of a consistent setting.
Well, you know what? To hell with that.
In a lengthy period of reflection, I took down some mental notes. I’ve been in the same apartment for three years (!), the same job for five and a half (!!) and I’ve been essentially waiting around for some sort of spark or lightning bolt to strike down on me and stir things up. Well so far, it hasn’t.
And I’m content. I’ve been content. I adore my cozy apartment with my posters on the walls and my psychedelic patterned couch and my PVR’d episodes of New Girl. It’s my safe place – and that’s exactly what it is to me – safe. Secure. Routine. Unchanging.
And my job is fantastic. I started at Manitoba Film & Music when I was only 19 or 20 years old after temping for a couple years at numerous offices around the city. When I impulsively applied for this position in the industry that I was (and am) so passionate about and GOT it, I felt like I won the lottery. I did. Over the five and half years that I’ve been there, I’ve transformed the position from administrative assistant to administrative AND marketing by incorporating graphic design, social media, event planning, promotion and more. I’ve had the opportunity to work on the Juno marketing committee, the Break Out West marketing committee, various film screenings and more. I’ve watched the Winnipeg cultural community expand and thrive. The people I work with are truly a family to me. I am SO grateful. I’ve also had the opportunity to work at the Toronto International Film Festival for the past four years – and I caught the bug. Toronto. The sights, sounds, smells, the music, the culture, I fell in love.
But I’d fly back home to Winnipeg. And fall back into comfort. And in 2012, right when I thought that it was a perfect time to get up and go – I met someone, and my life became more about spontaneous romance than spontaneous career changes. I got caught up in a whirlwind of charm and my heart shaped eyes couldn’t see more than a few feet in front of me. Aaaaand it collapsed. And it hurt. And it still hurts. I’m still mending myself. But after having that relationship end, and start again, and end again, I learned a few things.
1. As human beings, we will always make excuses for waiting. When I have more money. (By the way, if I don’t have a lot of money now, I’d rather still not have a lot but I WILL have the satisfaction that I WENT FOR A DREAM) When I have more confidence. When I meet someone. But there will never be a better time than now because something ALWAYS happens. SOMEONE always happens. You just have to choose to ignore the voice and just DO IT.
2. It’s hard to build a castle if you don’t start by putting in the first brick. You need to start somewhere. Your dream isn’t too big or too far out of reach. I’ve sought out advice from many people about my dream and some have grinned, ‘Oh, I had much less. I knew much less. I did it anyway.’ And I look at where they are. And I smile.
3. Someone is always going to tear you down, or question you, BUT someone is always going to be there to encourage you, and love you, and push you to the sky. I’d say .. spend your energy and time with the latter.
4. Life provides you with resources and YOU ARE RESILIENT. Remember that exercise when you’d close your eyes, cross your arms, fall backwards and hope to GOD that someone would catch you? And then they did? And you wondered why you were so scared to do it in the first place? Life is kinda like that. Trust it. Things aren’t always the easiest and there is so much out there that is terrifying, but if you take the plunge you’ll find that most of the time the pieces fall into place and are there to catch you. You will be okay. And you’re way better off for falling backward with your eyes closed.
5. You create your own happiness. Whenever I thought that someone else held the key to my happiness, I’ve been wrong. They had given me love, compassion, and some amazing periods in my life – but those things were just as easily snatched away. You hold the key. The good ones you meet along the way and share those experiences with are treasures, but you hold the key to the chest.
Ramble ramble ramble. I’m going after my dream. I’m packing up my life, I’m leaving my job and subletting my apartment and I’m moving to a different city to start a new amazing job. And if it this whole crazy journey doesn’t work – I’ll be so so grateful to say that I gave it a shot.
PS – if you are so inclined to help me financially with this adventure – I’d be happy to provide some graphic design services in return 🙂 griffindominique.com – xxo.
PPS – My apartment is up for sublet for January 1st – please share – the link to my favourite place in the world is here: http://www.kijiji.ca/v-view-details.html?adId=1035908376